Dance with God

"I will trust in You alone
In You alone

Where You go I'll go
Where You stay I'll stay
When You move I'll move
I will follow You

Who You love I'll love
How You serve I'll serve
If this life I loose
I will follow You"

'I Will Follow' -Chris Tomlin

Our walk with Jesus is like a dance. There are certain dances which cannot be done alone because they require a partner. So, our walk with Jesus is a dance, take swing dancing for example.

Usually in swing dancing, the moves aren't planned out. The male guides the female through the dance and through the steps. In order for the dance to be beautifully executed, she needs to keep her eyes on his and let her steps be guided by him. And at the same time, he needs to keep his eyes focused on hers because he's the leader. If he stumbles, so will she. The male partner is what's keeping the dance moving, but it's by her own will and choice to keep her eyes focused on his and be led by him. Every move that is made, they do together with him leading slightly ahead and with her following him in unison. She has to let go of any control she has, loosen up, and be willing to be moved. She has to trust her partner and be willing to follow. When she does this he is able to swing her around and the dance falls into place with each step. When they two of them move in harmony with one another, the dance is absolutely beautiful and not a wrong step is made. But this can only take place just as long as she keeps her eyes on his. Most importantly, she has a deep faith in her partner that he will never loose grip of her hand. Note however, that if she were to loose focus the dance would become disrupted. They'd be off step from one another, if she isn't looking at him, she would have no idea what her partner was leading her to do next. But most importantly, the dance just wouldn't look the way it's supposed to.


In this illustration we are the female partner, and God (our creator, Lord and Savior) is the male partner. The life He wants us to live is like two people swing dancing, because while dancing if you focus on other things besides the moves, the music, the rhythm, and most importantly, your partner, the dance falls apart. The dance as a whole is done a whole lot better when everything is the way it's supposed to be. When you let your partner guide you you are able to move in unison than if you were to focus on something else. This "something else" may include something such as a move in which you want to do or maybe you want to go a separate way than your partner. If this happens, you may just get tangled up and fall.

Just as you cannot swing dance alone, you cannot walk through life without a partner, without someone showing you the way. God should be our partner in this life. He is who we as Christians, are supposed to be looking towards at all times. We should be aiming to be more Christ-like and to walk in the will of our Lord. If we loose our eye contact with God we may go flying and we will get off step. We won't do well in life if our focus is off of God and our steps aren't where they should be.

So, just as in swing dancing where you keep your eyes fixed upon your partner's, keep your eyes fixed on God, move when he moves and do what he does, and you'll be set. You cannot stumble or be moved when your eyes are fixed upon the Rock.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it" Isaiah 30:21-22

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" -Proverbs 16:9

"Oh Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in You!" -Psalm 84:12

"Many are the plans in a man's heart but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" -Proverbs 19:21

"A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?" -Proverbs 20:24

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and He will make your paths straight" -Proverbs 3:5-6

An (Un)expected Friendship

Lately I've been feeling really lonely. But the feeling was even more intense than that word suggests. Most of the time I didn't think that ANYONE liked me. I felt like everyone was putting up with me because they felt sorry for me or just because they thought they had to for one reason or another and that every time I opened my mouth that people were getting annoyed with me. It hurt thinking that no one wanted to spend time with me or be around me, to think that I wasn't important or significant in any one's lives or that if I left and went home and never came back...that people wouldn't care in the least bit. It hurt to feel like I faded into the background, and that I was hidden somewhat, easily overlooked and like nothing I did was good enough. I constantly felt unwanted, uncared for, unloved...etc. This is something I've been struggling with on and off for YEARS. In fact, it's been a mind battle my whole life.

But you know what? All along it's been a lie.
All of it.
Every last one.

I realized today what it was like to hear from the devil. What it was like to listen to his words and to unknowingly meditate on them. To accept a lie as the truth. I realized that when he talks to me...the thoughts in my head start with the words "YOU ARE." Not "I AM." But "YOU ARE!!!" That revelation was so powerful to me!

God showed up so many times today after I had a breakdown this morning over all of those thoughts I mentioned earlier... When Amanda gave me a ride from the dorms over to the Chemistry building we talked and God just spoke through her. He told me all about how much He loved me! How great of a child I was. That I was beautiful. That I was worthy. That I was significant. That I was doing well. That people loved me. And so much more. And there have been other little moments today where I have just been able to take a step back and see how much I truly am loved! Not only in the spiritual realm...but also in the earthly realm as well. Just the little things. God went totally out of His way to love on ME! ME of all people! I don't remember the last time I felt as loved as I did today.


I honestly have just been feeling the peace of God transcend upon my soul as I've gone throughout my day. Totally and completely. A good way to put it is...I've felt like God's arm has been around my shoulders and that He'd pick and choose random times to show me how much HE loves me and how much OTHERS love me as well. How significant I truly am, how blessed I truly am. In a way He opened up my eyes to the things in which I hardly ever "let" myself see in a way. It's like sometimes I choose not to see the actual truth in a situation because there is a vail over my eyes. It's a crazy situation to think about!


Something I've also been struggling with, really only here at college...is the lack of a best friend here. In fact, sometimes I look around and everyone seems to have that one person who they always spend time with and are always talking to. But I don't have anyone. I thought about it today and realized that if I didn't have the XA guys to sit with at lunch, I'd probably be sitting by myself most days. So, thank you God for blessing me with awesome brothers! Anyway, it's something that I've really been thinking about lately and it's something that I'd really like to have. Something a part of me craves to have. I don't really have another sophomore to hang out with...that I clicked with in the beginning of my freshman year.

A wise friend of mine, said to me once..."Kerry, Jesus wants to be your best friend. He can be your best friend. You need to make Him your best friend and get all of your fulfillment from Him! And while you work on that...He'll bring you a best friend. AND He'll bring even more friendships into your life and bring you closer to people." The first time she said this to me, I got instantly annoyed and thought to myself "This girl is ridiculous and she doesn't know anything that she's talking about!" But after the absolute and unconditional love (that I didn't even ASK for!) that God gave me today...I believe it more than ever!


Jesus has been such a good friend to me today! I don't think I truly understood what it is/was supposed to be like to have Him as a friend until today. What's just a little amusing now about the whole situation is that I was definitely doubting His ability to make great best friend material. As I talked to a friend this morning I thought to myself "How ridiculous! Jesus can't be my best friend...Why would He want to be? That's a little crazy and out there... I don't think you know what you're talking about!" And I think because He knew I thought that He juts wanted to prove me wrong. He wanted to show me His glory. His power, His might. But most importantly, how much He loved me and How much He really did want to be my friend. He did that by doing things that friends do...except it was my Savior doing it for me!

He knew I was hurting and instead of waiting for me to come to Him, He showed up without asking. Because He loves me that much! Isn't that an awesome friend!?! He showed Himself to me and just loved on me today! ON ME! He went out of his way! Completely out of His way! Again, I didn't even ask! He just did it because He wanted to! Because He LOVES ME! I'm so completely blown away by that! I cannot even wrap my mind around it...

Part of me thinks "Why God? Why me? I'm not really that important..." But the truth is I AM! I am important. I'm a child of God. He has plans for me. He cares about me. Every little aspect of my life! Every hurt that I feel is HUGE to Him! Especially what I've been feeling...especially when I let the devil's lies get in. Why? Because if you let a lie get into your head, it can hurt and affect your life for forever. It's a crazy concept to think about, but it's so true!

I've come to a point where I've realized how awesome of a God our Lord is. How great and mighty Jesus is. How faithful and loving He is. He loves me enough to know everything about my life...to know I needed Him so much today. And because He knew that He chose...out of His great multitude of love for ME...to reach down and touch my heart today. I needed assurance. I needed a reminder. And He gave it all to me. Without me asking. :-) (You know why He knew? Because He's intricate!!!! You should go read the blog about how intricate of a God He is to find out why this is exciting for me).

To combat all the hurt I've been allowing for the devil to cause me to feel...I've decided that it's past time to officially make Jesus my best friend. I need to find everything in Him...He's the only one who won't ever let me down. Ever, ever. How stinkin awesome is that? There is a perfect God up there, who won't ever let you down or hurt you? And if you make Him your best friend, that means your best friend will never hurt you!!!! And you know what else is a plus about the whole situation? He's available 24/7 and He's got the power to cast mountains into the sea. Man, my best friend has walked on water, was born in a manger, rose from the dead, and performed miracles. My best friend is pretty sweet.

Jesus I love you. Thanks for being the best friend in the world. Thank you for loving me when I couldn't even love myself. Thank you for calming my soul. Thank you for restoring me and bringing me joy. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for always looking out for me. Thank you for caring.

Jesus is my friend. My very best friend. If He's not yours I'd totally recommend it.

Our Intricate God (Nassau, Bahamas)

During Spring Break I went somewhere that for most people is a spot to vacation. A place of beautiful beaches, a clear blue ocean, palm trees, awesome food, shopping, music and warmth. This place was an island in the Bahamas, Nassau, the capital. Instead of going there to vacation, a group of friends and I from my campus ministry at school (Christ Ambassadors) went to tell people about Jesus. This was going to be my 6th mission trip, however, I had no idea what to expect. So far, they had all been different and as far as I was concerned, anything could happen!

Friday March 19
I was in awe from the time we began flying over the Caribbean until probably the time we left. God never stopped showing me how beautiful and creative he is! After we landed, we had mostly a day of getting settled in and getting acquainted with the members of Life Changers International, the church we went down to Nassau to help. That night I had some of the best food I'd eat all week and some awesome time of fellowship. All the children were such sweet kids! We played a bunch of games with them and later that night we literally spent hours jumping/dancing around. It was the best transition into the awesome things the Lord had in store for us over the rest of the week!

Saturday March 20

There is absolutely nothing like spending time with Jesus in the morning on the beach! Absolutely nothing. And as I sat there, listening to the waves of the ocean crash around me I thought to myself how beautiful God is.

You know what else he is? Intricate. Bet you never thought of calling him that! But he is! I was tossing back and forth a piece of coral or some sort of rock, and it had a bunch of holes in it. It looked like it had been woven together. And as I just sat there staring at it...suddenly the word intricate came to mind. The definition of intricate is elaborate, having many complex arrangements and fine details. Doesn't that just define our God!?!

Think...beautiful dress, like a ball gown. With a bunch of different beading and designs and lace and fabric and pretty jewels. Intricate. Like our God.

He knows all of us, and individually planned out every aspect of our lives and who we are and what we look like. He doesn't do anything half heartily, nor does he ever do something because he "has" to. No, everything he does has a specific purpose. He's a God of detail. He doesn't ever leave anything out. Everything is perfect and the way it's supposed to be. There is more depth to things that take place than what meets the eye. There's more reason for things happening than our small minds could ever wrap itself around. You can see how intricate He is simply by looking out your window at the different plants, trees and animals. Not only that but people! Look at the colors of his creation! Anywhere from our antibodies and platelets in our bloodstream, to the freckles on our faces. In the Bahamas there was too many shades of blue to count in the ocean, all fading into one another. And it doesn't stop there! Our lives are filled with intricacy and complexity! God works out every little small detail in our lives and fills it with wonderful things! He himself is intricate! The magnificence of God is so vast that no one can fathom how mighty and awesome He truly is.

Who would have thought that God would have spoken to my heart just simply by me looking at one piece of coral? Who would have thought that same piece of coral would get me so excited about God?

He would.

And He did.



Because he's intricate.

Getting a Gift From Daddy

I learned something this week. A life lesson. Listen to God the FIRST time he tells you something! When God says that you should do something, when He tells you that you should change how you think...here's my advice...do it! Don't make Him say it twice, or three times, or in my case...probably at least 25. If not more.

I experienced God on Tuesday night like I haven't in awhile and it was awesome! I got to Bible study extremely early. And by that I mean...45-30 minutes early. So, in order to take advantage of all the time that I had before me, I decided to go sit in the room and spend some time with Jesus. That sounded so good! Just getting to spend time with Daddy. And that's when He gave me a gigantic gift and blessing!

Right before I walked into the room, I passed by a woman in the hall waiting by the elevator and smiled at her. As soon as I had sat down, and pulled out my Bible, she walked in and introduced herself to me. She was a Mary Kay consultant and offered me free gifts and a party and what not. It was nice...but that wasn't the best gift of all. She noticed how I had my Bible in front of me and asked me what I was doing there and what was going on. She thought it was awesome. Then the really awesome part happened.

She began to tell me about herself and how she dreamed of working with people and how she thought she was going to be an overseas missionary. But now she was a stay at home mother and worked for Mary Kay which has become her ministry. She has friends overseas, educating them on selling Mary Kay as well, and one day she wishes to do the same thing. Also, in college she was all about international ministry.  When she said all of that to me, I suddenly felt like the Holy Spirit was stirring in my heart. It made me think "Wow! Just because I have certain passion and desires, and just because I think God will use them in certain ways doesn't mean that He will".

God can do whatever He wants and in that same way, can put you where you least expect it. And it just might be doing something that you never dreamed of, like using what you love and are passionate about. And I really felt like God was saying to me "Hey you! Don't put me into a box! I can't be limited!" God is a creative God. Just because you think a certain situation will take place in a certain way, just because it makes sense that it will turn out that way...doesn't mean that it will. Sometimes God likes to surprise people and do the unexpected. Sometimes an event that seems obvious to us to take place, isn't so obvious after all. When the Bible says that no one can fathom the mysteries of His thoughts and plans it certainly means it! Anything can happen! Planning is good, but ultimately He is the one who guides your steps.

Something else God taught me through her was definitely something that He has been trying to teach me for a good long while. The woman said "instead of thinking of the future, focus on today." Now, isn't that something ALL of us hear quite frequently? That we should focus on today rather than on tomorrow, for we don't ever have the promise of tomorrow? Tomorrow is uncertain. Tomorrow can change. By focusing on today, we can all be assured that we won't miss our on God's will for our lives today. That we won't miss our on today's blessings and what He wants us to do now, today.

I cannot count how many times I've heard those words. And lately I've been hearing it more and more often. I think it's way past time that I listen. I'm so glad that God is such a patient God! He was even willing to send a complete STRANGER to tell me something that He's been trying to get through to me. How crazy is that!?

And you know what's also really great about this whole story? The fact that God has given me comfort, peace and assurance that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I think sometimes each of us need a reminder of that as well...just a little nudge from God saying "Hey, I see you, and I hear you. I've got your back kid!"

You gave me everything I needed and more, in one moment, in one night, by a complete stranger. What a great gift Daddy.
Thank you!

Child Safety Locks

Something really funny happened to me yesterday! It's definitely something that I may never live down, but God taught me a lesson that day that is worth ever second of being teased.

Wednesday morning, a friend of mine texted me right before my 9:30 class ended telling me that she was at the stadium and her car had run out of gas. My first, and fleshly, instinct was to let someone else help her and do things that I had already planned during that hour of precious free time before lunch. But I sure am glad that God took hold of my heart and told me to do otherwise. So, I met my friend at my car and took her to Wal-Mart.

On our way there I learned something about her situation which completely moved me. As she balanced her checkbook she announced to me that she currently had approximately $3.95 to her name. My stomach dropped and I felt absolutely sick for her (for reasons that I can't say here). That's when I decided that it didn't matter how long that it would take to help fix her situation, I would do whatever it took, spend as much time as needed and give whatever the Lord wanted me to.

I bought her a gas can and we filled it up to the brim. Finally we reached her car and wrestled for about 5 minutes with the can trying to figure out how to open it so we could pour it into the car. But nothing we did worked. My friend even begun to get concerned that it was broken! In my mind I thought it was supposed to unlock and work differently than it actually was meant to function. When we couldn't figure out and had given up on opening it ourselves, I began thanking God for the wonderful pastors and brothers in Christ that He has blessed me with that were willing to always help someone out.

My friend Chris arrived at the request of my lovely campus pastor and attempted to help out my friend and I. And that's when we realized what exactly was going on with the gas can.

Yes my friends.

It had a child safety lock on it.

That's what I began to feel silly. I mean, I wasn't a child, so I should have been able to figure it out. Right? But I couldn't even understand the directions on the can. However, this realization of it being a child safety lock helped us to finally understood how to work the gas can and how to get it to pour out into the car. It was so much easier than what I was making it out to be!

And even though my story is an absolutely hilarious one, I learned something that day. I learned sometimes things aren't always what they seem to be. I also learned to always trust God with your every step as well as be willing to be completely flexible with your life such as to go out of your way to serve the Lord. Sometimes He will want you to do something else in your hour of free time other than what you had originally planned. And you know what? His will and plans for you (even the daily ones) are SO MUCH better than yours! For His steps and plans will lead you in such a way to bring Him glory, and in all that we do, we should be doing it for the glory of God.

I know that God wanted me to bless this girl. And I was able to blessed her with not only money, but also with my time. Your time is one of the greatest gifts that you can ever give to someone, ad because I gave her my time I was able to show her love and to get to know her better. Most importantly I was able to show her the love of Jesus! All this was done by just making a simple sacrifice in my own life and I am certain that God will be able to use that to do something awesome. And I can't wait to see it all unfold!

But most of all, I'm so joyous that the Lord completely trusted me to show her love and to spend time with her. If God can use me, he can use you too. And he is willing! All you've got to do is just let him.

What does God want you to do for Him today?

Yvonne

Yesterday I went up to visit my grandfather. Which in itself was the weirdest thing...you know, since my grandma wasn't there and all. It sure did make my heart smile to see the surprised and happy look on his face when we walked into the room. And needless to say, he was so much happier by the time we left. But maybe that had to do with the two games of Scrabble that he beat me in.


Anyway, a few rooms over from my grandpa there is a man by the name of Bill. Bill is in his late sixties and appears to have Alzheimer's, but he doesn't. Bill has had two strokes within 6 months of one another, and although he doesn't appear like it...his brain is fully functional and he knows entirely what's going on around him. He has been in the nursing end of the retirement home because the strokes have affected him so severely that his wife cannot take care of him alone. But thankfully he is getting much better and will get to go back home soon.


Bill's wife's name is Yvonne. Yvonne, since her husband's last stroke, has been at her husband's side everyday for the past 9 weeks (and was there after the first stroke as well). She comes in around lunch time and stays there until around when he goes to bed. When she leaves the room, he panics and yells frantically "YVONNE! YVONNE!!!" And sometimes he just yells, simply to yell...because he cannot verbally explain his frustration and how much he is upset. He does NOT like it when she is away from him. When she leaves to go home, they have worked out a system in which she calls him and lets the phone ring twice, just to let him know that she is home safe. Bill can't speak very well, and during the day he will usually sleep as he recovers and maybe will watch some TV in the common room. So, all she does during the day is talk to the nurses who come by and sit by his bedside either reading or watching TV as well. It takes a whole lot of love for a person to sit in a nursing home by their husband's side, not doing much, for 10 hours a day, for 6 months.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." -1 Corinthians 13

While I was talking to Yvonne, she came right out and said for no apparent reason at all "this is what love does." We weren't talking about anything on that subject...but when she said it, it made me stop and think. Suddenly all I wanted was for God to give me someone to grow old with, and that would love me like Yvonne loves Bill, many years down the road from now.


But you know something so awesome? God already has provided someone! My best friend, and my romancer, Jesus Christ. Jesus looks at me just like Yvonne looks at Bill EVERY day, whether I notice him or not. He watches over me with a love that just cannot be described. A love that fulfills everything in my heart that just longs to be loved and told that I'm beautiful and worth something. From watching Yvonne with Bill, I was able to capture only a glimpse of how much Jesus loves me. If the Lord is going to love me like that, wow...what must he think of me? His daughter? His creation?

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you." -Psalm 139:1-18

"Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.' So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them." -Genesis 1:26-27

So when God created us we were fearfully and wonderfully made, we were created in His image, He knew us before we were created, AND no matter where we go the Lord sees us. That knowledge alone is so awesome. Because now, there really is no reason to doubt how amazing the Lord is and that we are his pride and joy! Why? Well, God isn't going to make anything that isn't perfect in his eyes, because everything reflects the BEAUTY of God. And because God knew us before we were ever created and ALL of our days were written down before we ever walked the earth, that means...he had a plan for us a LONG time ago. There is purpose for us and he put time and effort into making us who we are. If we were supposed to be any different than who God created us today, then we would look different or have different talents and abilities. But because we aren't like that person who we compare ourselves to all the time...our future and purpose is different from theirs. So there is no reason for us to have the exact talents or looks as that person who we wish we were. There is a reason the Lord created us the way that we are, and we should REJOICE in that! We are a special, and an original creation. There is something specific that we alone were created to do. There is NO ONE else like us. That's pretty awesome.


And although I personally am waiting patiently (or at least trying to) for the man that God wants to put into my life and I really do want the Lord to put him there sometime soon...I can continue to rest in His presence, getting the fulfillment of love from the Lord instead of from a human being. I can continue to live my life and do his will, and the Lord will put him there when it is time. The knowledge that all I have to do is go after God will all my heart and that someone will be brought to walk alongside me somewhere down the line, just brings joy and peace to my heart and soul because I know that his will is absolutely perfect for me. And I can't wait! God is so good.

And thank you Yvonne, for reminding me of Jesus' love and how much fulfillment it provides!