This is Misty. She's about 11 years old and we have had her for 9 1/2 of those years, adopting her from the shelter when she was about 1 1/2 - 2 years old. She was my first dog and I actually was the one who named her, so this girl holds a special place in my heart. As she has grown older, she has obtained a variety of health problems including cataracts. For someone/an animal with cataracts it's as if there is something blocking their vision directly in front of them. Her condition began to become apparent early last year when she started acting funny, and when she had trouble catching anything or seeing that there was food in front of her. It has progressed to the point where she walks very slowly and on walks she has problems. Since being home from school, I have been taking Misty, my parents other dog Kita, and my dog Cyrus on walks every night this week. Tonight I had to "tug" and gently coax Misty on our walk more than I have had to other days this week, whether it was to cross the street or to just get her the rest of the way to the house. As I was looking back and encouraging her to keep on going, I began to think about the similarities between us and God in comparison to Misty and I.
First, here's a little bit of history. Lately I've been dealing with fear. Like, stop you in your tracks, heart pounding, nauseating, butterflies in the stomach, muscle tensing fear...especially when it comes to the future.
The future scares me. No, it absolutely TERRIFIES me. I have been super blessed and haven't ever had to pay for anything, and knowing a year from now, that I will have to take care of myself rocks my world in a not to exciting way. God has really been dealing with me on this lately. The word clearly states that there is absolutely no reason to be afraid, yet my spirit and my heart shudder and shake with any talk of the future. I dread the question "so, what are you going to do when you graduate?" I also am currently trying to live in denial of the fact that I graduate from COLLEGE in a year, because in reality it seems like yesterday that I was graduating from high school!
However, one thing that has been really great is that God has slowly been revealing things to me.
.Very.
.Very.
.VERY.
.Very Slowly.
Although I suppose (no...I know) that if it was any other way I would be more freaked out than I currently am. [[gotta let Jesus prepare my heart right?]] Despite the fact that I am pretty sure I know where God wants me for my masters and although doors keep opening up and the right paths seem to be clearer than ever before I find myself in the shoes of Misty, my old Siberian Husky. For one, it takes a whole lot of faith and trust to not be able to see where you're going and yet, still follow your master. Misty trusts me enough to know that I'm not going to lead her anywhere "bad". However, before I ask her to cross the street, she hesitates and I have to convince her that it's OK. Also, when it's light outside she has more confidence in me, walking ahead of me on a loose leash or to my side, but when the sun goes down she walks a whole lot slower and she walks behind me. It's in this moment that I have to try not to drag her down the sidewalk to get her to finish her walk because she's walking so slowly. Instead, I have to convince her that it's OK for her to keep going even though she can't see.
It's the same thing with us and God. Sometimes it's like we have cataracts on our spiritual eyes. The future, whether it be tomorrow, next week, next year, or ten years from now, is super unclear and we have no idea where we're going. In fact, when we look ahead, the future looks so dark and bleak that we don't know where to place our feet next. We're blind, it's dark, it's scary. There's an obstacle blocking our view and we can't see around it even though we try so hard to do so!
When it's lighter outside it's easier to trust when we can't see so well because the light is encouraging. The light helps us to have more faith in our master (God) as Misty has with me. And then when the darkness closes in, suddenly it's so much harder to trust the person who had been helping us get by safely in the light. For some reason when it gets dark and scary, taking the next step blindly is harder than when it's "light".
[[By light I mean having some sort of ability to see where you're going, even with your spiritual cataracts, rather than not being able to see at all when things becomes dark.]]
But here's my question: Shouldn't we be trusting God MORE when the darkness is closing in rather than the other way around? Didn't God already "prove" to us or show us that He is faithful and trustworthy a bazillion other times in our life? So why is it SO hard to trust God and to have faith when everything is dark and scary? When it counts the most, and when all we can do is trust God, why is it just so hard to let go and accept that we cannot see? It's so much easier to trust Him when it comes to things like school...but when it comes to where I'm going to live, who I'm going to marry or where I'm going to get my masters, why is it so hard to trust God?
My answer to this is that if you have to be able to see where you're going in order to trust God, then that's not really trust or faith. As humans, we struggle with letting things go completely and walking blindly. It's our nature to feel as if we have to see something in order to trust in it. Why? Because it provides us with a sense of control. But if you have to be able to know at least a little bit of where you're going...where is your faith in God?
Misty walks better with me in the light because there is more light being allowed to enter into her eyes, allowing for her vision (although clouded in cataracts) to be better than when the sun begins to set which is when she hesitates, because she cannot see. She walks slower to be sure that where she places her foot next is on firm ground. And as I watch her I can hear God saying this to me:
"Come on, Kerry. Trust ME! Don't trust yourself. TRUST ME! *God holds my hand tighter and shows me that he's holding my hand* I've got you. Just follow me and it'll be alright. You don't have anything to worry about. Really, I promise! My dear child, just have faith in me. I know things are uncertain, and taking those steps forward are scary... But I will never leave your side. With Me walking with you, there is absolutely NOTHING to be afraid of! Now take a deep breath and let's keep going."
So as I hear God whispering this into my ear, I now ask myself: "Why can't I just walk forward even when it's dark and just have FAITH and TRUST in God that where I put my foot will be on firm ground? He's never let me down, and he promises that he won't. So, why am I hesitating each time He asks me to move forward? I know God will never lead me anywhere that is "bad"...and Misty believes the same thing when it comes to me. She is able to push forward on our walks. She has the faith and trust in me that enables her to keep going even when she cannot clearly see what's n front of her. So, just as Misty is with me, I realize I need to be with God. I need to keep on going forward and just hold on tight to my Father's hand, breathe and trust that He won't lead me astray as I follow Him and walk right by His side.
God challenged my faith and trust in Him tonight. He showed me once again that I don't have to see where I'm going in order to take a blind step or leap of faith. It's guaranteed that He'll never let me down and He'll never let me fall. God promises good things and even when things are scary, He promises to take care of us.
What is God asking you to do today? Let Him take you by the hand and lead you to places unknown. His plans are so much better than you could ever imagine!
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love" -1 John 4:16b-18
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you” -Deuteronomy 31:6
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go" -Joshua 1:9
"The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall. Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident" -Psalm 27:1-3
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you" -Isaiah 41:13
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" -Isaiah 41:10
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline" -1 Timothy 1:7
"For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' So we may boldly say: 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?'" -Hebrews 13:5-6
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love" -1 John 4:18
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" -Jeremiah 29:11
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" -Proverbs 3:5-6
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them" -Romans 8:28
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