Faith and the Resurrection

I'm that girl who likes to plan, to have some sort of control over life, to know where I'm going, to know what the next step is. I like to know where my feet are, and in a sense, what I'm standing on. In real life terms, I will not touch my feet to the bottom in water if I cannot see.

Right now, I'm at a point in my life where everything is completely out of my hands and so much is overwhelming me. God likes to use these times in my life to teach me about faith. He also likes to remind me of these lessons and have me go through it all again, and again, especially right when I think I've got "this whole faith thing" down.

The other day I was visiting a church that I don't regularly attend. The pastor said something about faith that I never really thought about before, or maybe I have heard it, but it was long forgotten. He said that faith is only required when you cannot see. You don't need faith anymore once you've seen what you were previously having faith in.

So.True.

Hebrews 11:1 says "now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." If only that verse was easy to live out! It is so easy to get caught up in fear of the unknown, especially when things look absolutely bleak and hopeless despite knowing His promises. 

Today, my pastor was talking about the resurrection of Jesus and about how, even though He clearly said what would happen, everyone still doubted and were distraught when Jesus died and said "it is finished." ("Now it happened that as he was praying alone, the disciples were with him. And he asked them, “Who do the crowds say that I am?” And they answered, “John the Baptist. But others say, Elijah, and others, that one of the prophets of old has risen.” Then he said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” And Peter answered, “The Christ of God.” And he strictly charged and commanded them to tell this to no one, saying, “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised" -Luke 9:18-22). In fact, the gospel of Luke accounts for three times that Jesus specifically talks about His death and what would happen (Luke 9:43-45 and Luke 18:31-34). They even doubted when they found the tomb empty and didn't believe until they saw Him with their own eyes. For me, it's so good to know that even Jesus' disciples struggled with faith (even when they saw glimpses of the promises of Jesus being fulfilled).

The good news is, God is big enough to fill in the gaps when I don't feel strong enough. He is also big enough to conquer death. I'm so thankful He fulfilled His promise to pay the penalty so that I (we) could spend eternity in heaven with Him. I am also thankful that He is faithful to provide and will come through in everything, even when I cannot see or understand. With Him, we have hope. All we need to do is have faith. 

Happy Easter! He is Risen indeed!

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" -John 3:16

"But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay" -Matthew 28:5-6

"Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful" -Hebrews 10:22-23

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart" -Psalm 37:4

Christmas Revelations Part Two

Christmas is so different this year. For one there have been so many changes in my own life: new friends, new opportunities and a new living situation. A year ago, never would I have imagined my life being like it is right now. God has closed many doors and is opening up new ones even as I write this. Besides those things, 6 months ago my dad lost his job and my brother has been away doing study abroad in Turkey. For the longest time it didn't feel like Christmas at all. In fact, I wondered if we were just going to "skip" Christmas entirely with my dad being out of work and my brother overseas. I figured we would "just have Christmas" when my brother was home.

All of these changes have helped me to experience something just a little different than I've ever experienced on Christmas in the past. Instead of things being stressful and busy, the entire day has been relaxing and easy going. Instead of fussing about presents, we had an early dinner and focused on each other. All afternoon we have spent time with family friends....and I feel so blessed. 

Although lights, gifts, trees, tinsel and the Christmas spirit are nice and all...there are things way more important. This Christmas has really helped me to focus on what's really important: family, friends, and the birth of Jesus Christ. I am so thankful for the opportunity to really meditate on and remember the meaning behind it all. I am so glad God has orchestrated life events in such a way to allow me to embrace the gifts He has given me. Especially in such a different way....and especially at this time of year.

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" -Isaiah 9:6

"Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel" -Isaiah 7:14

"She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins” -Matthew 1:21

God is good. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Christmas Revelations Part One

I grew up in church, so I've heard the same Christmas story for at least the past 20 years of my life. This year, I heard a little something different.

"The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end." -Luke 1:28-33

At this point, I can just imagine Mary taking a huge breath as she tries to swallow what she just heard. How strange it must have been for an angel to appear to her and say, "Oh, by the way, you're favored! Good job, Mary! Now, you're pregnant with God's son. I know you are going to get married and all, but it will all work out." I mean, there are so many things about that which should truly have shaken her.

1) An angel just appeared to her and told her something that literally just rocked her world and would change her life forever2) Mary now had to go tell her fiance that she was pregnant3) Not only does she have to tell him that she's pregnant, but she's pregnant with God's son

I think this kind of news would have thrown any of us for a loop...but not Mary.

Truly the best part about all this is is her final response.

''How will this be,' Mary asked the angel, 'since I am a virgin?' The angel answered, 'The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God...For no word from God will ever fail.' 'I am the Lord’s servant,' Mary answered. 'May your word to me be fulfilled.' Then the angel left her." -Luke 1:34-35, 36-38

Think about it, how awesome is it that this girl's life had literally just been turned upside down, and instead of running away she chooses to believe exactly what the angel said and trust in God  Wow, what a testimony!

I don't know about you, but sometimes I have a hard time accepting things God says to me. Sometimes he tells me things that I don't want to hear, or sometimes he allows things in my life to happen that don't make sense or that hurt me or throw my life on it's side. He will even keep me places that don't make any sense or put desires in my heart for my life that confuse me to pieces.  Some of these things are literally life altering, or they can just FEEL life altering and a huge deal (but they really aren't).  I am convinced that how one responds to situations such as these says SO much about who you are and about your faith in God. Mary must have had a crazy amount of faith in order to have responded that way, and I think she's so awesome for it.

It really challenges me to have so much faith and trust in God, that when he throws a curve ball and wants to do something big in my life (even if it's the scariest thing in the world) to respond just like Mary.

"'I am the Lord’s servant,' Mary answered. 'May your word to me be fulfilled.'"  -Luke 1:38

That One Time I Prayed For Patience

Have you ever heard the saying "Be careful what you wish for"?  Well...sometimes I wonder if we should say "Be careful what you pray for" instead.  Now, I don't mean to say you should question what you are praying for, that's not it at all (although motives are always a good thing to consider!).  No, what I mean is, if you're going to pray for something you better be prepared for God to answer it!

Sometimes I think we become careless in our words, flippant in our vocabulary and even in our time alone with God, we pray for things without completely thinking things through.  Then, when God answers our prayer, we get surprised when we actually get a chance to practice that character trait we had been praying for.  And if you're anything like me, then you get frustrated with God....in your impatience.

Patience...patience is by no means a strong aspect of who I am.  Everyone who knows me well, knows this about me.  But don't get me wrong, I have my moments.  I will be patient with that slow driver in front of me, that new cashier at the store, or long waits for whatever I might be doing throughout my day until the cows come home.  I will be patient with that one friend I've been trying to offer guidance and advice to even if it goes in one ear and right out the other.  I will love until my love tank runs dry and then I'll love some more while just waiting and being patient.

But when God tells me to wait for something my heart so deeply desires?  That's when everything screeches to a halt.  Whatever the situation may be, I am TERRIBLE at waiting on God.  It's so hard for me to look at a situation and not get my hands dirty and fiddle with it.  It literally takes every part of me to sit back, grit my teeth and let things be.

I have a few things going on right now that I have talked to God about.  I have prayed for guidance, wisdom, for the strength to wait on Him and let Him control and for yup, you guessed it...PATIENCE.  I know my heart behind that prayer, but I really don't think I was prepared for what was to come afterwards...

Ever since God has made it absolutely clear that I must stay in those situations I previously mentioned and wait for his cue to move and to let Him handle everything.  The good news is that He heard me and answered my prayer.  The not as exciting news is that He has given me the opportunity to practice the patience I so desire.

Now begins the long drawn out process of waiting.  It's so hard for me when God only gives me enough light to see my feet!  I get so impatient and frustrated when he doesn't give me enough to see where to take the next step.  But that's where faith and trust come in.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" -Hebrews 11:1

And there is more good news!  God is so full of grace and good things despite my weakness.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" -2 Corinthians 12:9

Don't get me wrong, I by no means regret praying for patience, I'm actually glad I did!  I know the season He has me in will grow me beyond my wildest dreams and that's pretty exciting.  Is it hard?  Oh yes, but when is growing in an area of life you struggle in ever easy?

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently" -Romans 8:25

The lesson I learned is to realize what is coming out of my mouth so that I can prepare my heart accordingly for what is to come, moments to practice those Christ-like traits that I so desire.  Next time, maybe I won't be as surprised by all that comes my way.

My hope for you is the next time you pray, think about the words and be prepared for God to answer and help you to practice what you're praying for too.

God is so good and I so look forward to what's coming next!

Thankfulness

God has been challenging me lately.  I know, story of the life of every Christian, right?  But how appropriate that it be this month.  God has brought to my attention that sometimes I have the tendency to let other's attitudes and words shape how I feel, think and act, which sometimes allows negativity in.  No matter the difficult circumstance, no matter what my life says, and no matter who says what, He has called us to be thankful, and not complain.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" -1 Thess 5:18

Let's get real, God is so good, and he has blessed me immensely beyond what I can fully describe to you.  In fact, when I think about it I am overwhelmed by His goodness, grace and mercy.  There is so much to be thankful for.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. -James 1:17

#1  Jesus and His love.  Without Him, I would not be where I am today, and without Him, my life would be in shambles.  It's because of Him that I have been made new and that I can rest in the comfort of knowing where I will spend eternity.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace,expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—  not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do"  -Ephesians 2:4-10

#2  My family.  Even though there are some of the most ridiculous people I know and they drive me crazy, I love them all to pieces and they have made me who I am today.

#3  My new church and my pastors.  I have never quite felt as at home at a church as I do than at Fellowship.  Plus, the pastors are fantastic and are the voice of wisdom and guidance when needed the most.  God knew how much I would need them in my life.

#4  My coworkers, bosses and my job.  Even though I get frustrated, don't feel like I belong and don't feel like I was made for my choice in career...I couldn't have ended up in a better clinical setting than at KAH.  I am thankful that I ended up where I am now because it's the perfect place to learn alongside some great teachers.

#5  Friendships that have endured the test of time, that don't require us talking every day to stay alive and those that can be picked up where we left off even after months of not talking.  I treasure all of you.

#6  New friendships that God has blessed me with in the last year.  Proof that you don't need to be friends forever to be best friends.  I treasure you all as well.

#7  Sunsets, Sunrises, and the Stars.  I am thankful that God created those things for everyone to enjoy and that it gives me opportunities to see His beauty and experience Him in a different way.

#8  Laughter and joy.  I'm thankful for the ability to laugh and experience true God given joy.  I'm thankful for those that assist in bringing both of these to my life

#9.  Vision.  I'm thankful for the ability to see, lately this has become ever so much more important to me

#10  Peace.  I'm thankful that He has given me peace that surpasses all understanding about my life and my future and that I don't have to fear because He has everything under control.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus"  -Phil 4:6-8

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'" -Jeremiah 29:11

#11  Technology, specifically cell phones and Skype.  I am especially thankful that I get to Skype with my brother while he's overseas in Turkey today.

#12  My apartment.  I am thankful I have a place to call my own and for the things God has blessed me with inside of it.

#13  My car.  I am thankful for a vehicle to get from place to place that is reliable.  I am especially thankful for my grandparents for helping me pay for it and that I get to owe them money instead of the bank.

#14  My dog.  I am thankful for a happy and furry face to come home to, especially after a long day.

#15 I'm thankful for this promise  

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart" -Psalm 37:4

#16  For this promise 

 "The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still" -Exodus 14:14

#17  And also for this promise 

 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, "This is the way; walk in it" -Isaiah 30:21-22

#18  Deep talks with Laura and Jessie, two of my sweetest and best friends.  I love you both!

#19  The color purple

#20  The night this was taken

#21  New Life Bible Camp.  My most favorite place in the whole world.

#22  Katie Covert.  Without her counsel and without her pouring into my life, I'm not sure I would be the same person I am today.  I am  also thankful for Kristen LeMaster.  She was put into my life at just the perfect time with the best words of wisdom, I'm so blessed to have her to help me in this chapter of my life.

#23  The days I get to sleep in, coffee and time to spend with Jesus

#24  These two.  The one in the middle is like my little sister and the one on the left I get to have a Bible study and love on at least one day a week.  So thankful.

#25  Starbucks, coffee shop dates, and pumpkin spice lattes

#26  Sweet tea, college got me hooked and I don't mind

#27  For this butterfly.  God's promise and love came to me in the form of a butterfly and a soft whisper when I needed it the most. Now it just serves as a simple reminder that He's there and that He loves me, no matter how much I mess up.  

#28  Spring time flowers, autumn leaves and snow covered hills

#29  For the ability to graduate from a 4 year school, the opportunity to meet people who would impact my life forever, and the fact that I was able to graduate debt free.

#30  Love.



My life is so fully blessed and no matter what comes my way, I am so thankful for everything He has given me.  What are you thankful for?

 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever! -Psalm 107:1

Ugly: Part One

12 years ago, when I was in 7th grade I was probably one of the most awkward kids you have ever met. I had glasses that reminded me of an owl, I had bangs that were cut straight across my forehead and I constantly wore my hair up in a ponytail with my hair slicked back against my head. In the winter I wore knitted sweaters that one would now call "ugly" and you would laugh at them if you found them in Goodwill. At least I didn't have braces yet, but I had a gap between my front teeth that made me look like a beaver. Then there was this boy....I had one of those silly middle school crushes on him. A friend of mine one day told him that I liked him and he said "Ew, she's ugly".

When I was a freshman in high school I got my first pair of contact lenses. I was in color guard and needed them in order to preform at my best. For 3 years I changed practically in public and trying to avoid being seen by boys. I mastered putting on my uniform under the clothes I currently had on, and even now, could change wherever if I needed to. But now there was a new problem. Now there were all of these girls with their small arms, legs and stomachs who were prancing around not caring who saw what. Then there was me, with my bigger build, soccer/gymnastic thighs and my slightly pudgy tummy that has been there since day one. They (for the most part at least) flaunted themselves, flirted shamelessly with boys, and were people magnets, or rather, boy magnets.  They were beautiful. Then there was me: quiet, modest, still very awkward and desiring if a boy who "just lived Jesus". Next to them, I felt ugly.

My freshman year of college I gained weight despite every good intention to eat healthy. I continued to be quiet, modest and I just felt bad about myself as a whole. I didn't have many real friends and felt left out of a lot of things. Usually I chalked it up to their outgoing attitude and how beautiful the girls were. My situation continued, no one wanted me. Even the girls didn't want to be around me. I thought that I must be too ugly for them.

Since then I've had Christian men who have outright told me "you aren't fat now, but if you got fat...I would no longer think you were beautiful". I dated one of these men, and I am embarrassed to say that the following was my thought process. "He must secretly think I'm getting heavy, so he must be lying to me when he says I'm beautiful...and he must want that prettier girl.  I always felt ugly, and never quite good enough.

Since then God has worked on me. I've embraced what I look like and I try to put more effort into my appearance. I no longer feel like I need to hide myself.  I feel more confident in who I am than I ever have before.  Truthfully, it's the joy I find in Him that ultimately makes me feel beautiful in His image.  Nonetheless there are still some days that I look in the mirror and I hate what I see...

I  have been having progressive trouble with my right eye since Friday, and maybe earlier on.  It's red and it burns like crazy.  I went to urgent care and was diagnosed with pink eye. Surprise! Glasses are necessary for the next few days!  So, today that I wore my glasses in public for the first time in years (minus while I worked at camp).  To be honest I was tempted to just not go to church today at all. I didn't want people to see me with these black frames on my face. I didn't want to wonder what people were thinking when they saw me with these things on....worst of all I didn't want to be ugly. 
It's amazing to think that words hurt and can have a lasting impact on someone, even 12 years later.  The great thing is that it's God's touch and truth that heals all wounds, even ones that have cut deep and that have caused long lasting scars.  Today God put me in a place where I had no where to run and I literally had to face myself and my fears head on.  I've always been afraid of being ugly, but today, I'm a whole lot less afraid than I was yesterday.  Thank you Lord for pushing me outside of my comfort zone.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart'" -1 Samuel 16:17 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight" -1 Peter 3:3-4 

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them" -Genesis 1:27

Overwhelmed By Love

For most of my life I have always dealt with loneliness and simply suffered tirelessly as I was overwhelmed by my own emotions. Typically when one feels lonely and unloved they will search for something to fill that hole in their heart. As a Christian, I have been taught my whole life that I should be filling the hole in my heart with Jesus instead of anything else. Let me tell you from experience that it's one thing to say those words, but to actually live it out is an entirely different story.

Growing up, I was always that girl that found their identity in people.  I would desire to be filled up with their "love" and the attention that they gave me, especially from the boys. It was so easy to just gravitate to someone who could and would love me that I could actually SEE, and honestly, it was the natural thing to do. It's entirely unnatural to chase after God and to be filled with a love unseen. And let's get real, it can be hard to believe that God could actually fill you more than what you've ever felt before from another human being.

A few months ago I had something happen in my life that left me feeling lonely and my heart shattered.  It has only been through God's mercy and grace that I am where I am today. I have been encouraged and strengthened by some of the greatest friends and mentors that God has placed in my life as well as through the time I have spent with Him. The peace and contentment I feel now can be overwhelming and I love every minute of it. I am daily blessed beyond measure and thank God for where He has brought me through it all. It is a miracle that God has brought my heart to where it is today.

Despite the wonderful and amazing things God has been doing in my heart and in my life, things aren't perfect as one is to expect.  A few days ago I felt a flood of loneliness and dismay that I haven't felt in quite some time. Instead of falling into old habits I chose to cry out to God unlike I ever have before.  I told him about how I felt hurt and lonely.  I literally repeated over and over again that I just wanted to be held and loved.  I was desperate for some sort of relief and it was in that moment that I felt a flood of love overwhelm me from the inside out.  It was then that I felt whole and complete like I never have before.

Never in my life have I felt so overwhelmed by the love of God than I did that night when I decided to cry out to Him instead of sitting around feeling bad for myself.  If you have never taken the time to do so, I want to encourage you to cry out to Him today.  It's so worth it to be filled up by your creator and to be held and loved on by the only one who can truly satisfy.  Instead of running to something that will only fill you up for a moment, try it out for yourself and be overwhelmed by His love.  From experience, it truly is the best thing in the world.

"For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority" -Colossians 2:9-10

"But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness" -Psalm 86:15

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you" -Psalm 63:3